U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
