I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
