She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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