I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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