I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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