I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
