your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
