Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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