I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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