I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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