see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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