When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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