Your face is a jimmy john
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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