i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
