this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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