Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
