I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
