Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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