i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
