I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
please come you make the beer taste better
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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