Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I accidentally burped into my bong.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
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