Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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