i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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