I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
