She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
