Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
