Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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