I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
