apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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