how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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