he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
