It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
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