I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
