I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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