I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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