And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Randomize
