She announced her abortion via fbk
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
