Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
