Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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