Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
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