we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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