it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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