Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
