this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
You can't motorboat a personality
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
