I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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