Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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