I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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