i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
