i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Welp...herpes.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
we're so committed to being not committed
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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