More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
