it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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